A Treatment for Trauma - Compassion
While reading an article about the current advice around COVID-19, masks and social distancing in this time of transition where more people are getting vaccinated, I read a quote by Yale epidemiologist, Gregg Gonsalves,
“We’ve been so traumatized by all of this, I think we need to have a little bit of compassion for the people having trouble letting go.”
Everything about this quote resonated with me, and I expect, it may resonate with many of you too.
It is safe to say, everyone has experienced some degree of trauma over the last 14 months. There has been uncertainty and fear surrounding many aspects of life - details that we had taken for granted before, like being able to buy common supplies. Some have experienced significant trauma related to the severe illness of a loved one or themselves, or possibly the death of a loved one. Others have lost their livelihood and suffered the repercussions of that event. While these numerous life changing events rapidly happened, we were also isolated. Our support systems (family, friends, schools and community) were distant. This combination of trauma and isolation is not healthy. People are social creatures. A 2018 AARP Foundation report on loneliness equated prolonged isolation to smoking 3/4 of a pack of cigarettes per day. Without connection, our health suffers.
So what can we do to help people recover from the harm they have suffered during the COVID-19 pandemic? We can practice compassion. Compassion is the sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it. So where to begin? What steps can you take to strengthen your compassion muscles?
1: Begin with yourself. Start practicing some self-compassion by using kind words and thoughts towards yourself (that inner voice). Remember to take time for your physical and mental care.
2: Stop judging yourself, others, life. Placing labels (especially negative ones) shapes your mood, experience and even the outcomes of events. Try going through your day without judgement and see what happens.
3: Be present. Giving your full, undivided attention to someone else strengthens an interaction. Even a short and meaningful interaction can have a lasting impact.
4: Really listen. When involved in a conversation, it can be tempting to interject or interrupt your thoughts or insights. However, when you are thinking about what you want to say or how you relate, you are not fully listening to what is being said. Listen to the other person, and try reflecting back what you heard without adding your own stuff.
5: Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Well, not literally, but take the time to consider a perspective other than your own. Everyone has a unique experience and lens through which they view the world and events. If you are not considering others’ perspectives, you are limiting your understanding of the situation.
6: Be kind. Kindness is not about making people happy though it often makes you and others happy. Kindness is authentic generosity. To be authentic, you must know and honor your own values.
7: Heal your own trauma. If you are carrying trauma inside you, it will come out and impact others. Consider seeking the help of a professional (counselor, psychologist, medical specialist) if this is a concern for you. We all need help and support from trained professionals sometimes.
Not only will being compassionate to others help them, it helps you too. Research has linked compassion to both improved happiness and health benefits (reduced stress/depression, decreased inflammation, stronger immune system, longevity). So as we continue to adjust to the world around us, remember to be compassionate for everyone’s benefit.
Kate Bender is a dual-certified Psychiatric Mental Health and Adult Nurse Practitioner. She knows, firsthand, life is messy and hard. Sometimes people need support and help from a professional. When working with Kate, your mental health will be compassionately addressed in a manner that honors your mind, body, and spirit. She lives with her family on the shoreline in Old Saybrook, Connecticut.